It may be that the phrase "four Gottman horsemen" sounds like a horror novel, or an epic legend where some apocalyptic event is not excluded.It is nothing of all this, although you may have probably guessed that halo of restlessness, or of threat. If so, you are certainly approaching the meaning of this expression.
We must have said the term to the psychologist John Gottman, an authentic «Guru» of the couple relationships that, based in some way on «The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse», wanted to explain what are the 4 factors that anticipate the breakup of a relationship.
Far from being something "apocalyptic" we must see it as processes to be taken into account, dimensions to control and manage so that in the long term, they do not force us to have to take that step so sad at times, as it is to end that intimacy, and that commitment we had built with a person we loved.
Today and n Lifestyle we invite you to meet the famous "four Gottman riders"
1.Critics that destroy
There are criticisms that certainly help that the couple advances.We all know that there are aspects that we are not willing to allow, hence we resort to those constructive criticisms with which to offer information, make understand and reach an agreement in common.
Now...What happens when we fall into the attacks with the idea of doing damage , of humiliating? There are times when we reach those extremes when we resort to pure and hard disqualification, where the tone rises and contempt appears, the "I am fed up with you, you are not worth anything" .We should avoid these behaviors.
2.Always act defensively
We will give you an example : «Can you help me a moment, please? Get up a little from the sofa, which seems to be married to the TV...»,« Do you think? But if you are the one who is always late home because it is clear that you do not want to be with me ».Before any word, the reproach appears, the attack.
Acting always on the defensive is something ends up destroying little by little, which undermines spontaneity and emotions.
3.Sarcasm and irony
These are the foundations that build contempt .There to clearly seek to harm the couple, humiliate or leave him/her in evidence.
Why is it done? Is it that love has disappeared, like this, without more? Sometimes, there are those who feel frustrated with something, and the frustration is always looking guilty.As soon as we see this type of behavior appear, the first thing we will do is talk, ask what happens and if it is necessary to do a change.Communication, and understanding are vital at the level of the couple.
4.Indifference and evasive behavior
We could say with certainty, which is undoubtedly the most destructive dimension How to respond to these elusive attitudes? To the denial of a caress? To the indifference of everyday life where the value of small things is lost , those in which our relationship was fed?
The perception that the couple no longer we he attends, that avoids us, that he resorts to the excuses or even worse, to the lies, is to place himself already on the edge of that precipice that precedes the end of the couple. Being two in one.
What are the use of these four Gottman riders? As indicators to control , to work to prevent them from triggering an end that we don't want, however, always remember that at the moment you perceive more suffering than happiness, and when you see your self-esteem violated and your values attacked, it will be time, perhaps, to put distance.Avoid toxic relationships. Sometimes, even if it costs us, it's better to say goodbye.
Image: Annalisa Antonini, Courtney Carmody, Jessica Wilson {jek in the bo
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