Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

It may be that the phrase "four Gottman horsemen" sounds like a horror novel, or an epic legend where some apocalyptic event is not excluded.It is nothing of all this, although you may have probably guessed that halo of restlessness, or of threat. If so, you are certainly approaching the meaning of this expression.

We must have said the term to the psychologist John Gottman, an authentic «Guru» of the couple relationships that, based in some way on «The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse», wanted to explain what are the 4 factors that anticipate the breakup of a relationship.

Far from being something "apocalyptic" we must see it as processes to be taken into account, dimensions to control and manage so that in the long term, they do not force us to have to take that step so sad at times, as it is to end that intimacy, and that commitment we had built with a person we loved.

Today and n Lifestyle we invite you to meet the famous "four Gottman riders"

1.Critics that destroy

There are criticisms that certainly help that the couple advances.We all know that there are aspects that we are not willing to allow, hence we resort to those constructive criticisms with which to offer information, make understand and reach an agreement in common.

Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

Now...What happens when we fall into the attacks with the idea of doing damage , of humiliating? There are times when we reach those extremes when we resort to pure and hard disqualification, where the tone rises and contempt appears, the "I am fed up with you, you are not worth anything" .We should avoid these behaviors.

2.Always act defensively

We will give you an example : «Can you help me a moment, please? Get up a little from the sofa, which seems to be married to the TV...»,« Do you think? But if you are the one who is always late home because it is clear that you do not want to be with me ».Before any word, the reproach appears, the attack.

Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

Acting always on the defensive is something ends up destroying little by little, which undermines spontaneity and emotions.

3.Sarcasm and irony

These are the foundations that build contempt .There to clearly seek to harm the couple, humiliate or leave him/her in evidence.

Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

Why is it done? Is it that love has disappeared, like this, without more? Sometimes, there are those who feel frustrated with something, and the frustration is always looking guilty.As soon as we see this type of behavior appear, the first thing we will do is talk, ask what happens and if it is necessary to do a change.Communication, and understanding are vital at the level of the couple.

4.Indifference and evasive behavior

We could say with certainty, which is undoubtedly the most destructive dimension How to respond to these elusive attitudes? To the denial of a caress? To the indifference of everyday life where the value of small things is lost , those in which our relationship was fed?

The perception that the couple no longer we he attends, that avoids us, that he resorts to the excuses or even worse, to the lies, is to place himself already on the edge of that precipice that precedes the end of the couple. Being two in one.

Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

What are the use of these four Gottman riders? As indicators to control , to work to prevent them from triggering an end that we don't want, however, always remember that at the moment you perceive more suffering than happiness, and when you see your self-esteem violated and your values attacked, it will be time, perhaps, to put distance.Avoid toxic relationships. Sometimes, even if it costs us, it's better to say goodbye.

Image: Annalisa Antonini, Courtney Carmody, Jessica Wilson {jek in the bo

Comments

Why do we sometimes sound that "we fall into the void"?

If you've ever sounded that, suddenly, you fall into a vacuum or that you simply fall out of bed, then you are part of that 95% of the population that shares the same dream pattern.This short and short experience has caused you to wake up alarmed and with agitated breathing.A shock that far from propitiating a relaxed dream fills us with restlessness in the tranquility of the night. But why does it happen? We will explain it to you below and give you some small tips to prevent it from happening to you more times. I'm going to fall! Why does my brain do this to me? Let's talk first about that common experience: that of sounding that we fall out of bed. If you make a small effort of memory, you You will realize that this phenomenon occurs especially in the first moments of the dream, a few minutes after closing our eyes and even when we fell asleep on the sofa.Without knowing how, we suddenly experienced a strange sensation, as if we were at point of overturning,...

Munchausen by Powers | Discover 3 Real Cases

The WHO in the 10th Edition of its International Classification of Diseases admitted a mental disorder which I call "factitious disorder" or "Munchausen syndrome" and which it defines as "the intentional production or the fact of pretending somatic symptoms or disabilities or Psychological ».In Lifestyle we have entered this syndrome at the entrance.What is Munchausen Syndrome? | The most surprising cases, and this time we wanted to find out more about a variant of this mental illness: Munchausen syndrome by powers and know some real cases .You may have seen it in some series of television dedicated to the world of medicine, but many professionals doubt that it really exists.Share us to know what is the terrible Munchausen syndrome by powers . Munchausen by Powers: discover 3 real cases 1.What is Munchausen by powers? Munchausen's syndrome is a mental disorder in that the individual who suffers it is self-injurious or ill, real or fictitious ,...

Do you know why popcorn explodes?

The popcorn are one of the most popular snacks in the world.In Spanish-speaking countries they receive many different names like "rositas", "pipoca", "pochoclo »,« Goats »,« crispetas »,« poporopo » … although the most used is that of“ popcorn ”.All in our childhood we have been looking astonished as that corn kernels exploded and inside that spongy and tasty material arose, but, do you know why popcorn explode ? Do you know why popcorn explode? To start, you have to keep in mind that not all varieties of corn are used to make popcorn , the most commonly used variety is the "Zea mays everata Sturt " or corn blowout.Like all cereals , the corn contains moisture and In its interior (endocarp) and also a 90% starch .In the varieties that explode, the bark (pericarp) is extremely hard waterproof .When we heat the grain above the boiling point of water (100º C), when we reach approximately 175º Celsius , that humidity inside the grain...

What is your dosha? Discover your biotype according to Ayurveda

In Lifestyle we love to investigate, so in this post we are going to talk about doshas , or physical biotypes, according to Ayurvedic medicine . As you may know, ayurveda is an ancient system of traditional medicine that originated in India and in Sanskrit means, more or less, "truth or knowledge about the duration of life." There are three texts that could be considered as the basis of Ayurvedic medicine, and they are the Sushruta Samhita (between the fourth century BC and the third century AD), which was a pharmacopoeia; the Caraka Samhita (more or less in the second century AD) and the Ashtanga Hridaya Samhita , after the two others and attributed to a possible Buddhist monk, which is a compendium of medical treatments. What is dosha? According to Ayurveda, dosha is "vital air" or "humor" or, to put it more scientifically, "temperament", "biotype" or "metabolic principle". There are three doshas...

Do you know why the Sugus de pina is blue?

Sugus is one of the most popular brands of chewy candies .Who hasn't eaten a Sugus candy in childhood? They are so well known that the brand has become a common name and with it all soft and square candies on the market are normally designated.The wrapper identifies the flavor of caramel , yellow-lemon, red-strawberry …, But do you know why Pina Sugus is blue? Do you know why Pina Sugus is blue? Many people have asked themselves this question; the blue does not correspond to any flavor nor is it related to the pineapple .Years ago the hoax spread over the Internet that this color in the wrap of the Sugus de pina corresponded to that of the flag of Barbados , which is blue, since that country was the main importer of pines to make candies.This is totally false . According to the portal Verne of the newspaper El Pais , which contacted the current Wrigley company manufacturer of Sugus, the story is different.When they bought the brand from Suchard the packaging was a...

Phrases of Life for all moments

How many times do we encounter vital moments in which we find it difficult to find the words or in which we would like to say what we feel, in the best possible way? There is a place where find these phrases of life , those formulas that can help us reflect , to see the world from another perspective, to say exactly what we keep in our hearts .Are you joining us to discover this hiding place of such powerful words? Phrases of Life for every moment It is a clearing in the middle of the forest, a place to go when you don't know what to say, how to call this feeling that floods you.In it you will find the thoughts of many famous people, of those beings humans who one day were caught by the same emotions and concerns that you and who, with the most absolute brilliance, managed to put names and conjugate phrases with them. This place is Phrases of Life.com and what you can find in it are treasures of the ingenuity of humanity, the sets of words more p History leader...

The story behind this amazing photograph of a diver and a whale

There are magnificent moments that have been captured on camera, this is the specific case of this photo that has gone around the world Here we tell you the story behind the photograph! This is the story of the stunning photograph of a diver and a whale almost touching his limbs In the photo, taken the deep blue waters of the South Pacific Ocean, near Hawaii, you can see a brave diver and a humpback whale almost holding the fin and hand (or bumping the five).He is the camera operator and diving expert, Marco Queral.

Meet the authentic "Lord of the Rings" of Taiwan!

The authentic "Lord of the Rings" lives in Taiwan and spends most of his time in a very special ring.It is a Cyr wheel, an incredible instrument very common among circus acrobats, where this man, Isaac Hou He stands as a wonderful artist who has impressed everyone. His faithful followers say that when Isaac enters his giant 15-kg weight hoop and begins to defy gravity for the Sinyu district , looks a lot like the Vitruvian Man by Leonardo Da Vinci. Its long limbs cling to a circle whose diameter is wider than its own height (183 cm), and then be carried away by an almost hypnotic movement that relaxes and embellishes at the same time. A fascinating spectacle and an acrobat full of art that we present today in Lifestyle.Are you with us? Meet the authentic Lord of the Rings from Taiwan! We will start talking about the Cyr wheel. Designed in 2003 by Daniel Cyr, he appeared for the first time at Festival de Cirque de Demain in Paris that same year .Beauty of the ac...

Where do the names of the countries come from?

All of us live in some country .Sometimes it is the one of our birth and other times the host, however: have you asked yourself why it is called like that ? You may know the origin of the name of your country, but do you know where the country names come from ? We have chosen a dozen to investigate its etymology; some because they are where they live more Lifestyles and others because we have found them interesting.We must not forget that the etymology is not an exact science and, in some cases, there are several possible origins .We have collected the most common ones. Where do the names of the countries come from? Spain The name of Spain comes from the Latin voice Hispania and is in turn the name of the merchants Phoenicians: «Ish Fannim» , which means "island of rabbits" .The peninsula is also known as Iberia that comes from the Greek Hesperia and this was the garden that inhabited the Hesperides, nymphs of fruit trees.Hesperia would be something simil...

Jigai, the Japanese female suicide ritual

At Lifestyle we already talked to you at the time of seppuku, the ritual suicide practiced by both samurai and daimyo or former Japanese feudal lords .At a time and in a culture where he was offered more value to the honor that to the own life, the suicide was an act of valia and honesty, in case one committed an improper act or fell defeated in the battlefield. It is a subject that seen from the cultural and anthropological point of view always fascinates us.Now, something that is not so well known and that has always been a little behind the curtain of the male practice of harakiri, is that women were also forced to put an end to his life if his husbands fell. And not only the husband, the mothers also started their own ritual suicide if they had a samurai son who fell in dishonor and committed seppuku. This guy of Japanese female suicide has a name: Jigai.We'll talk about it in our space. Jigai, the Japanese female suicide ritual If you are interested in the subject ...

Lifestyle Libre

Search This Blog