Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

It may be that the phrase "four Gottman horsemen" sounds like a horror novel, or an epic legend where some apocalyptic event is not excluded.It is nothing of all this, although you may have probably guessed that halo of restlessness, or of threat. If so, you are certainly approaching the meaning of this expression.

We must have said the term to the psychologist John Gottman, an authentic «Guru» of the couple relationships that, based in some way on «The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse», wanted to explain what are the 4 factors that anticipate the breakup of a relationship.

Far from being something "apocalyptic" we must see it as processes to be taken into account, dimensions to control and manage so that in the long term, they do not force us to have to take that step so sad at times, as it is to end that intimacy, and that commitment we had built with a person we loved.

Today and n Lifestyle we invite you to meet the famous "four Gottman riders"

1.Critics that destroy

There are criticisms that certainly help that the couple advances.We all know that there are aspects that we are not willing to allow, hence we resort to those constructive criticisms with which to offer information, make understand and reach an agreement in common.

Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

Now...What happens when we fall into the attacks with the idea of doing damage , of humiliating? There are times when we reach those extremes when we resort to pure and hard disqualification, where the tone rises and contempt appears, the "I am fed up with you, you are not worth anything" .We should avoid these behaviors.

2.Always act defensively

We will give you an example : «Can you help me a moment, please? Get up a little from the sofa, which seems to be married to the TV...»,« Do you think? But if you are the one who is always late home because it is clear that you do not want to be with me ».Before any word, the reproach appears, the attack.

Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

Acting always on the defensive is something ends up destroying little by little, which undermines spontaneity and emotions.

3.Sarcasm and irony

These are the foundations that build contempt .There to clearly seek to harm the couple, humiliate or leave him/her in evidence.

Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

Why is it done? Is it that love has disappeared, like this, without more? Sometimes, there are those who feel frustrated with something, and the frustration is always looking guilty.As soon as we see this type of behavior appear, the first thing we will do is talk, ask what happens and if it is necessary to do a change.Communication, and understanding are vital at the level of the couple.

4.Indifference and evasive behavior

We could say with certainty, which is undoubtedly the most destructive dimension How to respond to these elusive attitudes? To the denial of a caress? To the indifference of everyday life where the value of small things is lost , those in which our relationship was fed?

The perception that the couple no longer we he attends, that avoids us, that he resorts to the excuses or even worse, to the lies, is to place himself already on the edge of that precipice that precedes the end of the couple. Being two in one.

Do you know what Gottman's four riders are?

What are the use of these four Gottman riders? As indicators to control , to work to prevent them from triggering an end that we don't want, however, always remember that at the moment you perceive more suffering than happiness, and when you see your self-esteem violated and your values attacked, it will be time, perhaps, to put distance.Avoid toxic relationships. Sometimes, even if it costs us, it's better to say goodbye.

Image: Annalisa Antonini, Courtney Carmody, Jessica Wilson {jek in the bo

Comments

8 things that if you don't watch, will make you lose your job

Finding a good job is increasingly difficult, ironically, losing it can be quite easy. If you want to be less likely to lose your job, you should consider some simple but very important aspects, ¡ keep an eye on them and you won't have any problems! 8 things that if you don't watch, will make you lose your job 1.Be late A fairly common habit which sometimes becomes part of the daily routine .You should pay close attention to this if you do not want to lose your job, because although sometimes it seems not to be so important, you do not know to what extent you are making your anger angry Boss. Being late to work may imply that you are not enough temente responsible and that you do not take the work seriously, so try to organize your time better and you will save yourself the stress of the eagerness and possible reganos. 2.Dress too informal This depends on the job you have, but as the saying goes "Dress up for the job you want, not for the one you ha...

The formula that will always do you a favor

There are phrases that change everything.From a "Hello" with a comma in the wrong place to a "I love you" without the proper intonation can become true social suicides, so the words matter and what matters It is said.One of the situations in which we most need these tools, called social skills, is when we want to do us a favor .But, did you know that a formula has been discovered recently (almost) magic to get others to help us? We tell you all about this sociological and linguistic experiment. The formula that will always do you a favor The communication researcher Christopher Carpenter was who published his analysis of this curious fact in 2013.In it, a very simple assumption was proposed.With the help of two of his companions, he studied in a shopping center .The procedure was very simple. They just had to approach a person who was alone in the supermarket and ask them the following: «Excuse me, would it matter to give me some coins that I am mi...

The bloody ivory hunt

Surely you have heard about the recent killing of elephants in Africa to take their fangs away.They have been authentic massacres the work of poachers, which we will deal with today in Lifestyle . The bloody ivory hunt Poaching is illegally done, usually to endangered species or in areas where it simply cannot be their environmental and natural characteristics.In the case of ivory hunting, since 1989 there is an express prohibition of hunting African elephants to protect these splendid animals (the largest land mammals), which have been threatened to the point that some environmentalists They estimate that if drastic measures are not taken to stop the smuggling of ivory, the population of pachyderms will be history in a matter of a few years.In the 80s, the hunters ended up with more than half of the African elephants . And what happens? Why is ivory so valuable, who buys it? As in the case of numerous species, such as pangolin, the main market is the Asian , especially Chi...

These 12 signs will reveal to you if you are a narcissist

Surely you've met someone who thinks he is perfect.If you don't know him, then maybe you are a narcissist yourself...In any case, with these signs you will be able to find out! These 12 signs will reveal to you if you are a narcissist 1-They hate to feel emotions If you are a narcissist, you will not want to feel any emotions in public, because you could not control the perfect image that you always seek to maintain.By admitting any feeling you may end up affected, according to psychiatrist Craig Malkin. 2-Your bad behavior is justified A narcissist constantly feels that he has been hurt, so he uses vengeful or antisocial behavior.Of course, he knows that what he does is not right, but he excuses his behavior in this way, as if it were a way of balancing the injustice with which You have been treated. 3- After more than 34,000 interviews, psychologist Frederick Stinson, deduced that men usually being more narcissistic than women .Usually, in adolescence it i...

Tips for traveling with children this summer

Summer has arrived, and with the heat, free time and vacations.Year after year, there are many fathers and mothers who take advantage of this time of year to take a family trip, breaking with routine and living New experiences, however, there are many doubts that arise when traveling with children. Therefore, we bring you a series of tips and recommendations to make your holiday as pleasant as possible, both for you/as for your sons and daughters. Tips for traveling with children this summer Safety comes first This should be basic for any drive we make, but even more if small children are going to go in the vehicle.We must check the engine, brakes, suspension, tires, battery and lights, among other things. Also, during the trip you must I want to keep an eye on the temperature of the car at all times, which cannot be too high or too cold, so it will be convenient to start the trip first or last day of the day, so as not to expose ourselves to the maximum hours of heat.On th...

3 ways to deal with everyday sadness

Being sad is not being depressive , this is a nuance that we must make clear from the beginning.Another important aspect that we should admit is that sadness is something that catches us all from time to time.when, and what we don't like to prove.The reason? For many, to be sad is to appear a certain weakness, a decay that in the eyes of others shows lack of character or warmth. It is not true .Who admits his sadness and recognizes it He is able to cope with it.Who hides or conceals it with other aspects, through masks such as irony and even frustration, creates scabs that will prevent him from moving forward with courage. Sadness is a common enemy that you have to know how to manage .It sometimes appears without our understanding why… How do I feel this way today if I had a great day yesterday? Maybe it's the weather, maybe that punctual psychological discomfort is due to a bad diet, to be under defenses, it can happen...Or it may also be that without knowing how or ...

4 things that only those of us who wear glasses know

Glasses. We love and hate them, they are those windows that give perspective to our myopia or windows to our farsightedness, they were perhaps that bitter condemnation in our childhood or that resource that today, It gives us an air of irresistible appeal that we are not going to give up because of the contact lenses. Are you a man or a woman attached to glasses? Then do not miss this article, after all, as statistics tell us, all of us will need at some time in our lives, those faithful allies for our eyes, to those eyes where our soul hides and our desire to interact with the world , and if it is through crystals...Much better! Let's start? 1.That moment in your childhood when they told you that you needed glasses The teachers already indicated it to your parents "this child is clueless and doesn't look at the board" .It was then where they took you to that "damn" place where a man put you in a Star Trek type machine in the eyes, and then ...

10 Tips to Survive a Human Avalanche

Hello Lifestyle ! Before reading the article we would like you to know a new way to discover our curious world, through Youtube ! We have a channel that we would love to be part of.You can subscribe and get to know it here-> YouTube Lifestyle! Unfortunately, every year in the news we learn new deaths due to a human avalanche .The cases are numerous and chilling.It has recently occurred in Mecca, in some concerts or on soccer fields that have not yet been modified so that this does not happen.Although it is Very difficult to have a clear head at a time like this, experts in borderline situations give us a series of tips and instructions to survive a human avalanche. 10 Tips to survive a human avalanche Human avalanches are usually produced by the effect called «bottleneck» or, as happened recently in Mecca, by two crowds that walk facing each other .When a number of people try to pass at once on a road that suddenly narrows, agglomerates and the backs begin to push...

Can thoughts influence our health?

Have you ever heard the expression "the power of thought" ? That before we do something we first think about it? Or in the Catholic religion, for example, the bounty of "in thoughts, words and deeds"? In any process, thinking is always the first step.Does it also occur in our health? Can thoughts really influence us? How do they influence our mood or self-esteem? self-esteem is the interpretation or assessment that we make of ourselves, it is the ability to love, appreciate, value and accept ourselves as we are.In that sense, when we have negative thoughts about our abilities we are feeding unnecessary situations of stress, anxiety and suffering , directly influencing our mood.The mood depends on the reading we make of the environment around us.There is nothing wrong or good in itself, it is our perception of the facts that determines how we feel .And the perception is given, in large part, by our thoughts. For example, if an import is coming I examine...

Incredible! 100 years ago an engineer made these predictions and I guess almost everything!

It is quite common to make predictions of how we are going to be in a certain time.In fact, we have an article exactly like that, as we will live in 100 years.Well, for you to see, it is not something new. In the United States, for example, in 1900, a little over 100 years ago, a civil engineer made predictions that were not far from the current reality.Sure, some were not true, but it is incredible that many of them live today. Incredible! 100 years ago, an engineer made these predictions and I guess almost everything! John Elfreth Watkins , our civil engineer, wrote an article for the magazine Ladies Home Journal , which titled “What could happen in the next hundred years?”, Where he makes certain predictions about what according to his expectations could be lived in the 100 years that would run from 1900 to 2000, and it is amazing to see that much of what he wrote is a daily reality for us, inhabitants of that future. For example, he predicted that Americans would measu...

Lifestyle Libre

Search This Blog